Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
