considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Randomize