If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
