We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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