If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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