well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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