Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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