I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
