He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
