how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
