They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
