Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
