You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
