Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
