A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize