I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize