I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
