Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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