Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
