dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize