Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
