I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
