based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize