I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
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