She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize