how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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