omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
