When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
It's blow job season.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
