This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
