I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize