cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
