In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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