Non-Jews are for practice
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Randomize
