I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
