Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
her facebook's as public as her vagina
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
