The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
