also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
