I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I need a beard to bite.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
