omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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