You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Randomize
