Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Randomize
