Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
