What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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