new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
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