Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
