Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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