He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
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