I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
