i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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