I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
