Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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