my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
my poor anus
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize