She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
