He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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