She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
