Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
