Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
