You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
