Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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