the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize