i need an iv and a liver transplant
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Randomize
