I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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