hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
