Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
