the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Rumble strips road head = magical
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
