dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
