I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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