Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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