He uses pillows to masturbate.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
