I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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