mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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